the doors/ lacked the ability or capacity

she'd been making a lot of decisions as of late. she'd been taking the time to contemplate who she was, who she wanted to be, where she was, where she wanted to be, what she was doing with her life, what she wanted to do with her life. it seemed like there were doors open all over the place, she simply was lacking the foresight to know which was best to open. she knew that opening none was not an option, but lacked the ability or capacity to definitively and confidently reach for one and to forget the others.

so she hid.
she hid behind a mountain of papers that would take her no time at all if she bothered to focus on completing them.
she hid behind blank canvases and cups of paintbrushes that took so much focus to clean after use.
she hid behind empty emotionless encounters that shouldn't have happened but did and now relentlessly stole her focus.
the closer it came to being time to make choices the more she sought to run from them and hide behind something else. someone else. anything else.

but there was no hiding. no due date, no canvas, no one could block out the list of decisions ahead of her. she just hoped that she'd figure out which door led to the future she was meant to live before she lost the key.