the nightmare/ and she wanted it to be any other way than the way it was.

she tried to think back to the last time she had fallen asleep at a 'normal' time. the last time she had slept completely through the night without waking at least once. if not more. she grasped to recall the last time that her pillow had not been tear soaked before she was finally able to fall into a fitful sleep before the irritating buzz of her alarm shook her from the nightmares which frequented her dreams. she wasn't sure if she'd been sleeping well at all this year. there was just something about this year that wasn't right. nothing felt right. she was eager for change yet hesitant to cause any. she looked around her and it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good. the cars on the street tried to drown out her thoughts and part of her wished that it were raining--- the type of rain which drenches you in a second and pings so loudly off the roof that you can't hear anything, not even what is echoing in your head. but it wasn't it was eerily silent despite the traffic noises. she thought that she would be accustom to that noise after living alone for such a period of time. but it just didn't feel right tonight. but it wasn't just tonight. she wished so much that it were, but she couldn't deny it. and she wanted it to be any other way than the way it was. but she didn't have that power. no matter how much you try to cling to the power of control or try to make things seem like they might turn out okay, it’s always just beyond your reach. and in your attempt to reach you earn yourself fits of tears and sleepless nights and the want for nothing more to escape as you build your own prison. she wished that the buzz of her alarm would wake her from this nightmare. then she realized in horror that she had yet to fall asleep.